If we’re lucky, we’ll travel the road of life with someone we count as very special. Some are family, and some we pick up along the way. Sometimes our loved ones leave us before we’re ready to see them go, leaving us devastated and without answers.
But another type of loved one exists for a nurse—our patients. Some patients we’ll know for a brief time and come to love as if they’re our own. The circumstances surrounding an admission tend to bring out love and sympathy from us nurses; we see suffering and want to embrace the patient. Whether the patient has an acute illness, a progressive terminal illness, or simply lacks family or support, these circumstances bring out our protective and nurturing natures. We adopt them as our own. But sometimes we lose them. Sometimes this loss will touch us and leave us irreparably torn in our hearts and souls.
Working on a med-surg/oncology unit, I had one such patient, a young man named Sam (name is fictitious) with stage 4 gastric cancer that ravaged his body and took him from us before we knew what happened. The doctors tried everything; Sam went through his treatments like a champ. He worked remotely on his laptop from his hospital bed and did his best to maintain as normal a life as he could. Until he couldn’t anymore. The aggressive cancer caused excruciating pain. In the end, nothing worked to slow or cure his cancer, but we made sure Sam was comfortable when he passed away. All the nurses were brought to their knees when he went to be with the Lord, as we had adopted him as our own.
His family was at his bedside for the last 3 days of his short life. Before that, we hadn’t seen any family and only a few friends. This was one of the things that hurt the most, he was alone with his battle for months before his family arrived.
As a bedside nurse, this is one of the hardest things we see, the lack of family with acutely ill and dying patients. So, we become their family, staying with them and holding their hands through their pain. The pain from their illness and the pain of being alone. And finally, we sit with them as they pass away.
It’s been 12 years since Sam was taken from us, and when he comes into my thoughts, the pain is still there. However, there’s also the joy of having known a young man as brave and strong as Sam. He’s an inspiration to all who knew him, and I was blessed to have cared for him at the end of his life.
He taught me the meaning of joy, as he still had moments of joy when speaking of things he loved, even as the cancer ravaged his body.
He taught me forgiveness. His family didn’t come to see him until 3 days before he died, but he smiled and hugged them when they arrived. He was able to let go of any resentment he may have had for them and forgive them. I found it very hard to even talk to them for the pain I thought they had put Sam through, yet he was smiling at them.
And because of that, he taught me about unconditional love.
He taught me that health is precious, and each day should be lived as if it were your last. Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is devastating. Sam never felt sorry for himself, even as he lost weight and it was clear the end was near.
And because of that, he taught me appreciation and gratitude.
Sandra Boulais, RN, BSN, CCRN is a nurse at St. Vincent Ascension Hospital Middleburg, Fla.
